I don’t mind saying it on here cuz I doubt anyone will even see this honestly, but I have manic depression… yup, I’m bipolar.

It really isn’t fun… I mean, it sucks. I don’t take medication for it because it’s not too severe or anything but I’ve lost quite a few friends because of it.

there are certain periods in my life where I stop talking to people completely, or I don’t feel like being around anybody and since people don’t know about my condition, they take it the wrong away… I don’t mean to push people away, but it just happens

there are other times where I get this.. feeling? I don’t know how to explain it, maybe it’s anxiety… I’m not sure, but when that happens I began scratching my head alot for some reason… like to a point where several parts of my scalp start bleeding….

sometimes I feel really needy and insecure! I just need someone to be there, someone to say “I want you near me” I need company! I need to know that someone loves me and cares for me… I tend to get really annoying when I’m feeling like that. Especially because I’m just a naturally detached person who actually enjoys being alone and isn’t into any of that lovey dovey stuff…

other times.. I just don’t feel safe! I feel like hurting myself, I used to cut myself but that’s stopped now…. I fight back not to hurt myself and sometimes I find other ways to hurt myself without being so obvious, like by getting some sort of piercing, or dyeing my hair because all those chemicals burn like crazy when they come in contact with all the cuts on my scalp. Some nights, when I’m strong enough, I just cry myself to sleep. That seems to work fine.

then there come those times when I become excessively hyper and filled with energy to the point where I’m just a nuisance… I don’t mean to be annoying but I can’t help it….

It makes me feel really incompetent being a prisoner of my own emotions….